When anger supersedes our self, life, universe.. & there is a complete black-out, (like today when I brokeOff again with that so called friend ~ despite ur warnings,sorry!), then suddenly, I could cool down my flaming ears (a sign of shooting high BP) by thinking.. NO, I cannot, just cannot let anything become more important than myself. I cannot AND should not kill (by mental torture) myslf FOR anyone.Who is helped by a Suicide*? Absolutely none 0f those We’ve ever loved. Yes, I’m extremely lonely.. & lonely I will be. Then wot is the good use of latching onto somebody who is also not there when you need their shoulder the most! I’m still lonely..back to square one. Lonely world for me. So cool down. Cool down. Its Ok.
I have believed in ‘Ekla Chaulo Re..’ even when the world’s my family. I, like a river, embrace everything dat comes my way, good or bad & try to modify a rock into a figurine. The metamorphasis once done, the rock of Gibralter when has become the statue of liberty, or the caterpillar into a butterfly, I have to move on.. forever towards an unknown destination.. an unknown unidentified journey. She or He is definetly not my destination.. then why, WHY do I linger on.. What charm, what attraction holds me on? Its just lack of self-control, a bad habit or lets say just a laidback fear of not letting go of the past. I have to learn MY lesson well in life..She/Hez not for me.
For You My Dear..
Yes, YOU are there but I know not for how long.. I dont know. As life moves along You might venture into a world of your own making.. yes, You should. Everyone has the absolute right to. So even when I want to hold onto You forever, I will not. Because I cannot. I have understood that this equation lies the same for evryone who comes in our life.. its d same equation as when Death comes.. We have to go.. I will have to go. Period. You are, and ought to be, buzy with other things and so lets not make one beautiful relationship the carrier of emotional baggage of the other. This I’m telling myself. Not you. Because You’ve never brought any emotional baggage.
Thats it for today.